lovesick

wasting time, doing everything but what needs to be done, same feeling as it was before I slept, insanely wondering what she does, unable to concentrate on my life, disappointingly remembering my fuck-ups, detached from the world around me, desperately seeking for a new day/a new thought, anything to keep me away from these blues. but, here I am just a fool. who am I to think I had one moment of greatness within me to make wrongs right? So, I drench that bridge. I soak it with gasoline. I make sure every thread, every fiber swims in gasoline. I, then, blowtorch it to ash and walk away.

Closely beyond reach

she smells of heavenly sweetness. when we touch accidentally, my nerves start up. my senses rise the hairs on the back of my neck. my nose flares up with attentiveness. my eyes dilate like a druggie. my heart pumps hysterically out of control. "make the move" yells my heart. "don't, you know better" whispers my brain. she sits waiting for me to quit my stalling. I talk about everything and anything. She politely responds. I'm dying from the inside. the room instantly gets warmer. I'm torn. why must I do this to myself? I finally get the courage to announce my departure. it's late. it's been late. I slowly gather my belongings. I politely thank her for her time. I stroll to the door waiting for something, anything. nothing. my heart sinks. why must I ponder like I do? I think too much without action. sometimes I act without thinking; that's when i'm really screwed. I reach for the door knob, turn it, and exit smiling. She shrugs her shoulders signaling me to hug her. I do. I hold on for too long. I say things that shouldn't be said. she pushes me away playfully? She smiles. hiding my anxiety, I smile. the door closes. I melt.