Walking on the Earth

Come take a walk with me,
I promise it won't take long.
Let's go this way,
I know another way.
It's a beautiful morning isn't it?
I'm sorry again for waking you up so early.
I've been thinking a lot lately.
I just need someone to talk to.
You seem to be the only one that listens to me,
hears me out, and actually gives a shit about me.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I thought I knew what I was doing, but it turns out it's nothing close to it.
I took your advice you know; and well, what you said would happen, didn't.
She left, he left, and now I am here picking up all the broken pieces.
Some days I feel shouldn't have every gone down to that side of town.
I just want to revisit what we once had; what I once had.
Things were bad then, but it was manageable.
I loved her; she loved me. He was always problem, but it was expected.
Now, it is just dirt and dust. Nothing worth mentioning.
Nothing worth acknowledging. It just was, and no longer is.
I guess I missed it, and now I can't get it back.
The thing is though... I don't think I need it.
But anyways how was your day?

Camping

sometimes I wonder why I sparked that forest.
sometimes I wonder why my mind got infatuated with smoke circles and passing of the talking stick.
the breeze feels just perfect flowing through your hair.
the touch ever so slightly raises the goosebumps from your skin.
the smell of skunk and smoke fills the lungs.
the warmth of the fire keeps a cold sweat.
and we pass it to the left hand side.

With or Without You

and you give yourself away

and you give yourself away

and you give, and you give,

and you give, and you give yourself away

something tells me I need to shape up.

something tells me I need to turn things around.

something tells me I need to pick it up.

something tells me I miss you. I miss you real bad.

I can't live with or without you, with or without you.

some songs I hear, just go with what the pensive state of mind that I am feeling.

I need to improve the grades.

Suave

This is the time where I need to be smooth in my approach.

I need to swooh my prey into submission; I need to make the message more clearer.

I need to find some success, somehow, someway in this godforsaken state I am currently at in my life.

I need to do something; something needs to give.

Am I smart enough? I think so.

Am I lazy? Fuck yeah!

What do I need to do? Work harder, and don't be a dumbass about shit.

why am i so lost?

fuck! balls! shit! cunt! I am so lost. It something new to me, I wish it wasn't so scary to me. I'm becoming lazy as fuck. I am becoming complacent with the way my life is taking direction. I feel that my life is already taking its course for me and i hate it. I feel useless and unappreciated, but i am all of these things. I have all the love in the world from friends and family. why do i feel so down and out? i feel the necessity to get out of this place, i want to leave everything behind. i feel that i have wasted my entire year doing nothing. i feel like im wasting my life. i feel that im doing nothing productive with my life whatsoever. i hardly go to work. i hardly care if i go or not. i just want to go home and not care at all what the world brings, because i feel it is already set in stone. i feel so much pressure from myself to be the best i can be. i put so much pressure on myself. i feel the need to impress everyone, including myself. i am never complacent with anything anymore. i feel so selfish at times. i want to do my own thing, but i want people to expect something new from me. i feel so much pressure from myself, my family, my family. i am so caught up with what everyone will think of me when im older. i hate it. i feel my entire consists of my future nevertheless the present. i hate this feeling. i feel undriven, unwilling, and i feel the need to not give a flying fuck anymore. i am so confused on who i am, what i should do, why i should do it, when i should do it, when i should do it, where i should live, which direction i should take, etc. i HATE the way i have been feeling. i have always been so sure of myself. i have always felt that i knew where my life is going. now i feel that all my hopes and dreams are gone. i feel its too late to change anything. i feel so small. i feel like an ant in a jungle. useless and powerless. i don't know what i want in life. i am afraid to make a mistake. that is my fault that is my downfall. if only i knew what my future was maybe i'd feel better about my life, but thats impossible to say. i need to convince myself of trying to be perfect. i am always striving for perfection. i shouldn't strive for perfection, but for the best. i need a better way to perceive things. i tear myself down when i don't accomplish the things i know i can. my school work seems to be to me a distraction. i dont even care about turning in my work. i am waiting for the worst to happen lately. which is not the best for me, i am so used to using the worst of things to my advantage. i just feel a huge part of my life is gone, and i don't know what it is. is it yvette? is it my father? is it basketball? is it that dumb girl? is it just my denial to face the world? i feel no growth is happenening. after writing this whole fucking blog i still feel so lost. school has always been a sure thing for me, grades have always been a given for me. now its a struggle. direction in my life has always been a given as well, not anymore. i dont know who i am, where im going. all i think about is graduating and never seeing these people again. why can't i just enjoy my last year of high school. ive been so careful trying to make everything perfect. why is it so hard to live? why am i so lost?