Closely beyond reach

she smells of heavenly sweetness. when we touch accidentally, my nerves start up. my senses rise the hairs on the back of my neck. my nose flares up with attentiveness. my eyes dilate like a druggie. my heart pumps hysterically out of control. "make the move" yells my heart. "don't, you know better" whispers my brain. she sits waiting for me to quit my stalling. I talk about everything and anything. She politely responds. I'm dying from the inside. the room instantly gets warmer. I'm torn. why must I do this to myself? I finally get the courage to announce my departure. it's late. it's been late. I slowly gather my belongings. I politely thank her for her time. I stroll to the door waiting for something, anything. nothing. my heart sinks. why must I ponder like I do? I think too much without action. sometimes I act without thinking; that's when i'm really screwed. I reach for the door knob, turn it, and exit smiling. She shrugs her shoulders signaling me to hug her. I do. I hold on for too long. I say things that shouldn't be said. she pushes me away playfully? She smiles. hiding my anxiety, I smile. the door closes. I melt.

Move it

Get up off that thang. Mind over everything. Will over slumber. Perseverance over comfort.
Find your something. Motivate your complacent thoughts. Nothing is left to hold you back.
Look for it. Pull through. I'm rooting for you. Come out of the dark. Hustle some more.

Jammed finger

I reach out to touch the sensation I get when my palm touches your skin.
The way your eyes comfort mine when I have nothing to say still lingers in my memory as if I could remember the past.
The smokey pictures I have of you tight within my grasp will soon fade away with the breeze.
She has the power to help you. You choose not to ask.
You stay content with your life. You stay trapped in your thoughts, your lies, and your "why's".
Wake up, sober up, sit upright. Shouldn't your time be now? Shouldn't you want to change?
Don't you think you need it? Don't you think you've caused enough harm?
Don't you care as much as you say you do? Do it for you. Do it for your well-being.
Do it already. What are you waiting for? You want to be on the straight and narrow, but you can't. You're jammed. You're permanently un-fix-able. ...right? Wrong.

Don't

 Speak, talk into my ear. Listen to my whispers, as you said you liked.
Hear the high pitch in my voice, the crackin' of my voice struggling to stay composed through whisper.
Stay with me tonight for old times sake. Like you did that second night.
Come hear the rain pour down beside me as we watch the leaves scream for joy.
Sit, stay and watch the hairs on our luscious locks grow oily and longer together.
Let's enjoy time running away from us, the stress melting from our hugs, and sadness hiding from our endless lovely kisses.
Smile with me as we stare into each others eyes without a thought in our mind, nor a doubt, nor a whine.
Laugh with me as I try to make you laugh, but miserably fail with comedic timing.
Dance with me to our own tune and our own groove, like it's just you and me in this world, no one else.
Look away when we go our separate ways, for I'd hate to see you go but love to watch you leave.
Rest your head on my shoulders just like you once did and give me one last soft kiss.

Once

Today, I'll remind you again. I'll give you the love and joy you rightfully deserve. I'll take my time with you. I won't jump the gun. I'll put the work into it.

Hit me

Trying to smoke you away. Trying to find my balance. Trying to stay above water level. Just trying to live my life. Just trying to find my way. Just trying to stay away. Something tells me you're not going to let me. Something tells me you're stopping me already. Something tells me your sucking the life out of me. I wish I was wrong. I wish I could keep you out. I wish you went away. Let's hope you hear me out. Let's hope you give me the time and day. Let's hope you understand where I'm coming from.

Think again

You gotta take it easy, man. Take it one day at a time. Today is Tuesday. You're in Austin. Just take it easy. Enjoy your time, and have fun with your time. Don't over think it. Breathe. Whatever happens remember to smile. Remember to seize the day and embrace the joys in life. Laugh it up. But, keep strong. Soak up what you need and act with a conscious considerate mind. Just pause. 

I've got to tell  myself it's going to be alright. I need to tell myself shit will get better. I need to. If I don't, who will. You? Ha! You don't give a shit. If you do, what are you going to do about it? How could you possibly help? Would you mentally and emotionally be able to take that burden off my shoulders? No. The answer is no. That isn't a bad thing, nor is it a good thing. It is what it is.