Something has to change

I've been sleeping longer in the morning, sleeping later in the evening, and sleeping more in the afternoon. I need to stop sleeping. I love the slumber, but the tendency is building up. I have to start waking up early in the morning. I feel old saying this, but I get it now. Longer mornings/days turn into more productive days. You can't always sleep late and wake up late every night, rather every week. Right? I've got to get going, running efficiently by 11 a.m., to be satisfied with myself at the end of the day. I need to start concentrating more of my time with Anna. She deserves it from me. She has done so much for me this past year. She has given me everything this past year. As I reflect over it all, I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for her kindness, loving-heart, and compassion. I need to remember to be there for her first and foremost. I need to stop thinking about me as much. I need to include her more into my life. I need to prove to her that I am so deeply in love with her. Something has to change. It has to change to get better.

The snow has returned

Today was a great day to wake up really early, aspire to do productive things, but instead just go back to sleep due to the warmth of multiple blankets. Winter is officially among us with consistent cold weather and layering is in full effect. The strive for self-motivation is very important. Snow has made it's first appearance this late in the year. The sensation of being cold every time you walk outside has arrived for the remainder of the year. Michigan weathers really know how to catch you slipping. This also means the holiday season will be coming up soon. The bittersweet emotions of great pastime Christmas memories in contrast with being homesick and missing loved ones. Now, I have a feeling I will be spending my Christmas time with my newly found loved one, Anna Joyce Volante. Life right now includes her. My future includes her. Life is about to be us, and less about me. At first, I didn't know how to grasp that and I didn't know if I was completely ready for all of that selflessness. After long daydreams and consideration, I am at a better place with myself and that future. I have seen improvements in myself this past year. My drive, my hunger, my ambition has returned to it progressive incline. She isn't fully responsible for the return of my drive, but she does have somewhat of an impact. She is my strength, and I appreciate it everyday for that. Maybe I should show it to her more than I should.

Work harder

It's time to put your head down and work. Work like you've been doing this you're entire life. Work like it's human nature. Work like today was the last day for your deadline. Go out and focus on the main goal. Stray away from distractions and fatigue. Will yourself to become better every second. Do as if no one is looking, but everyone notices it. Be relentless, fearless, and with a purpose. Never strive for anything less than what you're capable of today. Remember today is your day if you want it.

Tuesday went by too fast

Wednesday is hours away and I'm not done with my article. I need to get it done by tonight to receive full credit. I have one source for my business story and it is my buddy Ray talking about himself and his business. I want to do him right by finishing the story and getting it published in the Eastern Echo. He could use the publicity to get his company started up in the EMU community, and I could use more worthy stories for the Eastern Echo to publish. I need to continue to write to build up my resume. I need to time manage better and do what needs to be done, without procrastination. Here I try again. 

Writing for Today

Today I write for myself and my future. I write because I need to write. I write to hopefully fight for what is right. I write for those who cannot. I write for everything that is right. I write because I write because I write because I write. Today is another day of another week towards completing my internship, my somewhat last semester as a student journalist. At the end of the year, I will be looking for a second job or possibly a paid internship. I should be more than able to finish up my final class of journalism this semester and concentrate fully on finishing up my Spanish Language minor in the Spring semester. I am excited about the finish line. I am anxious about what my future will entail. I still need to do graduate school, but I still don't know where that will end up for me. Anna has had a smoother college education than I have and is expecting herself to get into a great graduate school program. I, on the other hand, haven't done so well in my undergraduate years and the chances of me getting into a great graduate studies program might be hard to come by. I will need to do much better this upcoming year to even put myself into consideration. I need to boost my resume with internships and with experience publishing articles and pictures. I need to make myself more marketable. I feel ready for the challenge. I need the motivation to keep building and to stay consistent. It needs to come from me, and it needs to come one day at a time. I know it will happen. I have confidence that it will happen in due time.

Internship in downtown Detroit

The highlight of my day had to have been stopping to chat with Steve, the security guard outside the Compuware World Headquarters. He is a joyful older black man who says hi to everyone that passes by the parking lot of the building. I talked to him today just like I did two Mondays ago while I waited for my vanpool to leave back to Ann Arbor. Today was a long day. I woke up close to 6 in the morning, just to arrive at Sam's club where my vanpool began it's journey to downtown Detroit, 55 minutes away. I started the internship at 8 a.m. up until 4 p.m. without a lunch break working on contact information for different publications, all of this without pay. I sacrificed my entire Monday an hour away from where I reside to get the opportunity of working with the Consulate of Mexico with Spanish-speaking individuals helping out their Mexican nationalists that reside in the surrounding Detroit area. Often, I get labeled Mexican because of my appearance. I often think to myself, "I am not Mexican, I'm a Texan. I am a Xicano." I have a disposition of being a third-generation American with the label of being a Mexican by any new person that I strike a conversation with. Life is unique in the sense that I am working with Mexican nationalists, but I am the outsider. I am American, Americanized, and a Texan. I helped my boss translate "Talking points of the Mexican Government" from Spanish to English. The communication between us is shaky because of my inability to speak Spanish fluently and his inability to speak English fluently. How can we be so similar but so different at the same time?

Sundaze

Writing for thought. I must release the hardship, the fear of not doing a great job. I need to quit deviated and just learn how to do it. I need to plan better and follow through with the plans. I need to stop being distracted from the mundane and focus on the ultimate goal. This week was just another example of me getting in my own way. I am tried of routine. I feel like I'm stuck in the process of no real progression. I have tunnel vision and can't see the end. I can't see my hard work paying off. I see only more hard work to achieve and conquer. Is this what I wanted when I decided to leave my humble in south Texas. Now, I find myself pondering over what life might be for me if I never decided to push myself. I guess this is where Robert Frost's famous poem, "The road less traveled" comes to mind. If I chose this other path things wouldn't be much different. Things would still be the same difference and I would still be questioning my life's decisions and what could my life be if I decided otherwise. I must appreciate the life I live now and make best of my situation.

What bothers me about the person I am today:

1. I have gained weight and eat junk food as a remedy for my ill feelings about life
2. I am not doing so well in my classes.
3. I am more dependent on smoking marijuana than I would like myself to be
4. I work a lot and don't get paid as much as I wish I would
5. I feel like I am missing out on seeing my family grow.
6. I feel sad about not giving Anna all the things I wish I could give her.
7. I don't have a car.
8. I owe a lot of money to my mother for helping me follow my dreams.

Things that make me appreciate my life:

1. I have an apartment with electricity, heat, and water.
2. I pay my bills on time.
3. I have two jobs where I get commended for my hard work.
4. I have the most amazingly beautifully wonderful woman in the entire world, Anna Joyce.
5. I am still in school and am close to graduating with a degree in Journalism and a minor in Spanish Language.
 6. I have a loving and supportive mother and two sisters that are always there for me whenever I need it from them.

Tuesday

"It's just another day in paradise," as that guy from Tower Inn says every time I ask how he is doing. I never know if he is being sarcastic or if he is truly being honest about his outlook on life. Today I feel a little bit of both. I feel his sentiment on how I interpreted his feelings. Life is good, but it isn't. The day is upon me to make better decisions, to push myself to become someone better, someone that I know I am capable of becoming. I am just not trying. I am not putting forth the effort that I know I am more than capable of reaching. Well, today it starts. Today is the day I turned things around. OK, maybe today wasn't the day. Maybe today was the day shit just kept going like usual. Maybe, things need to progressively improve minimally each day. I like to think the latter will work. I have slowly tried to ween myself off of marijuana. I have smoked two days out of the last three weeks. I have drunk mildly less, but have consumed junk food as a remedy. I have downed pop like no other these past three weeks. I have eaten salt n' vinegar chips like it's no one's business. I have eaten my emotions away. As far as school work is concerned. It is of much concern to me. I haven't done much to stay atop of my class in attendance and in grades. I have just stopped giving a fuck, as I like to say. Things just seem to be dormant and uninteresting. I know I am more than capable, but knowing that statement to be true is good enough for me. Knowing that I can be great is fine with me right now. I am complacent, and I'm OK with that because working hard takes too much effort. What is at the end of this daunting graduation plan for me? What am I to find that I probably already know? I know that the hard work will continue and progressively get harder. I know that opportunities will arise when I decide to buckle down and take risks. I know that a prosperous life will be within my reach once I decide to take full advantage of it. And that is my problem with it all. I know this and I refuse to go forth and do it. It's easier to bitch, not do anything, make excuses, enjoy the simple pleasures in life, and just do nothing with anything. I do hate working part-time jobs though. I hate cleaning tables, standing all shift long, hearing half-ass servers complain about their meaningless lives, and catering to snobby-ass rich people who expect you to be a certain way because they are practically paying for you hard-day's work. I hate people so much sometimes. That is where my focus should be focused on. I should be focusing on really sticking it to this bitch-ass motherfuckers who take their children out to eat at fancy restaurants just so they can make a mess at their table while watching their favorites television shows on their fancy tablets which was a present to them for doing well in their school project. I should be great to stick it to those little fuckers. Fucking rich snotty little fucks. I will show them. I fucking hate these bitches. Tuesday, you win this one. Wednesday, you better see me coming.

The person I am today

Today ponder over the idea that you are the person you are meant to be in this world. You chose the paths you did and that has made you the person that sits there and reads these words. You are today what you are going to be tomorrow because of your yesterdays. The ideas, the dreams, the morals, the feelings, the goals are you, every cell of you. Never forget to remember that you are a single entity of numerous individual entities. You're everyday actions affect your perception of tomorrow, and how you will become the person you will be tomorrow. Lest we forget that we have to see the person we wish to be in the future by the actions of our today not the shortcomings of yesterday. In essence, be you. Take everything one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, one moment at a time. Today, I'm the person I am going to be tomorrow because of what happened to me yesterday.