Tuesday

"It's just another day in paradise," as that guy from Tower Inn says every time I ask how he is doing. I never know if he is being sarcastic or if he is truly being honest about his outlook on life. Today I feel a little bit of both. I feel his sentiment on how I interpreted his feelings. Life is good, but it isn't. The day is upon me to make better decisions, to push myself to become someone better, someone that I know I am capable of becoming. I am just not trying. I am not putting forth the effort that I know I am more than capable of reaching. Well, today it starts. Today is the day I turned things around. OK, maybe today wasn't the day. Maybe today was the day shit just kept going like usual. Maybe, things need to progressively improve minimally each day. I like to think the latter will work. I have slowly tried to ween myself off of marijuana. I have smoked two days out of the last three weeks. I have drunk mildly less, but have consumed junk food as a remedy. I have downed pop like no other these past three weeks. I have eaten salt n' vinegar chips like it's no one's business. I have eaten my emotions away. As far as school work is concerned. It is of much concern to me. I haven't done much to stay atop of my class in attendance and in grades. I have just stopped giving a fuck, as I like to say. Things just seem to be dormant and uninteresting. I know I am more than capable, but knowing that statement to be true is good enough for me. Knowing that I can be great is fine with me right now. I am complacent, and I'm OK with that because working hard takes too much effort. What is at the end of this daunting graduation plan for me? What am I to find that I probably already know? I know that the hard work will continue and progressively get harder. I know that opportunities will arise when I decide to buckle down and take risks. I know that a prosperous life will be within my reach once I decide to take full advantage of it. And that is my problem with it all. I know this and I refuse to go forth and do it. It's easier to bitch, not do anything, make excuses, enjoy the simple pleasures in life, and just do nothing with anything. I do hate working part-time jobs though. I hate cleaning tables, standing all shift long, hearing half-ass servers complain about their meaningless lives, and catering to snobby-ass rich people who expect you to be a certain way because they are practically paying for you hard-day's work. I hate people so much sometimes. That is where my focus should be focused on. I should be focusing on really sticking it to this bitch-ass motherfuckers who take their children out to eat at fancy restaurants just so they can make a mess at their table while watching their favorites television shows on their fancy tablets which was a present to them for doing well in their school project. I should be great to stick it to those little fuckers. Fucking rich snotty little fucks. I will show them. I fucking hate these bitches. Tuesday, you win this one. Wednesday, you better see me coming.